The last months I've come to realize that it's difficult for me to deal with stress and situations that I don't have any influence on. I thought I was someone who can handle stress well and doesn't have anxiety issues. This is certainly the case in some situations. But not in all situations....
They came to renovate the house I am renting, without proper communication & with a lot of unpleasant situations. I am also working on another project where I find myself waiting a lot and being frustrated because it's not going forward in the way how I want it to go forward. It was a bit of mindfuckery to find myself suddenly in situations where I felt the opposite. Where I felt stressed, couldn't change the situation and needed to let go. This is the difficult side of really seeing yourself, ALL the different parts of yourself. It can be pretty confrontational! But it gives also so much opportunity for growth !
You can't push things forward that aren't meant to go forward at this time, right?
I can do all the best I can, but if it is something out of my control I need to let go of it. Well, easier said than done, this 'letting go'.
You can know it is time to let go, but then really letting go it is a totally different thing.
I am seeing now that these situations are ultimate tests of trust for me. I am also seeing in my environment how different people are being tested this time. In different ways. Things that were certain suddenly become uncertain. Change is around the corner.
What I need to learn in this is to have faith and trust that everything will work out. That things are flowing in a specific way with a reason. And that we sometimes don't see that reason (yet).
What helped me to release & let go?
I realized I couldn't change these external situations. Which meant I needed to change something within me so that I could deal better with the situation. I am still on the journey but what helped tremendously until now was:
doing inner child work: I love to do inner child work on myself, especially when there is a trigger or I don't feel good. It's actually the easiest then because the emotion is so present in the body. I had a big release of a memory from when I was younger and didn't feel safe. It felt as a relief to release these older emotions and fears. I felt way more calm afterwards and the days afterwards, too.
painting! I almost never paint but just painting what wanted to come through felt very therapeutic.
doing an aurareading: I asked someone else to do an aurareading for me. Even though I didn't ask for a thematic aurareading, a lot of things I was dealing with at the moment were mentioned. This is typical aurareadings. It made me feel so seen. It clarified a lot & because of that I felt an energetic shift. It was also so good for me to experience an aurareading again myself. Wauw, it's truly such a special experience!
telling myself it will be okay - trying to consciously tell myself to think the opposite of what I was thinking.
being gentle & taking care of myself. Also nourishing myself with healthy food & drinks!
holding on to my morning routine (especially exercising!! I found out that for me it works best to do some movement every morning, instead of every other day.. And it doesn't need to be intense ever morning - one day it can be rope skipping, the other morning yoga, the other morning running and the other morning just stretching. Of course this is different for everyone.)
intuitive dancing (so many tears! There is something magical in the combination of music and movement).
doing breathwork: I redid a recording of a breathwork session I had done before with a breathwork facilitator. Wowie! I had totally forgotten the power of breathwork. It can be a bit umcomfortable but it really moves energy and stuck emotions in the body. I felt some resistance dissapearing and because of that I saw things shifting in the spiritual realm. I felt so much gratitude!
contacting a somatic coach! Coaches need coaches too, doctors need doctors too ;-) I see it as a strength if you are willing to grow or reach out to someone else to help you out. When I discovered it was really my nervous system that sometimes had some alarm bells going off, I decided to reach out to someone who is able to help me with this.
What about you? How are you feeling lately?
Are you feeling similar? Or are you dancing through life in peace? Whatever the case, please know I am here.
This text was Ama's newsletter on March 31, 2022.