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feeling safe

what does it mean to you to feel safe with someone? i have recently realised how for such a long time i actually didn’t feel safe with people. i wasn’t aware of it. and it is still a challenge sometimes. the reason why i realise this now is because there are people who have entered my life who i do feel really safe with.

which means, to me, that i can be myself, that i can say what i wanna say, that i am not scared that they will laugh at me with what i say or judge it, that they won’t try to change me or put me in a box, that they respect me and my boundaries, that they will listen to what i have to say, that they will stand up for me or protect me if an injust situation occurs, that they will try to see my perspective, cheer for me - even if they don’t completely understand, that they will love me for who i am.

i am an open person but very closed at the same time. and now i understand it’s my way of protecting myself, not opening up, not being vulnerable. mostly it feels more safe to not show the inner me, because it doesn’t feel safe enough around me to do so. and it’s not particularly the people who are around me who are to blame. i understand now how it’s me who had an enormous distrust and fear. this wall around myself was my best option. survival modus in a way. but how authentic is survival modus? hm? i do wonder where it comes from, as i am sure it’s not only parental upbringing but also growing up in a white society with the accumulation of countless micro agressions, subtle or unsubtle racism.

i have felt these non judgmental moments in sharing circles in plum village and in other ritual gatherings. these were beautiful moments where i felt safe, cracked open and that were incredibly healing.

you know, i believe the biggest healing really lies in the simplest act, just being fully, consciously present for someone else, with your attention, without any judgment. or maybe it’s not that simple? and then imagine, not one person, but two or three or a whole group being present for you in this way. it always made me sad to leave these retreats because i knew in “the real world” people wouldn’t do this ‘deep listening’ & ‘speaking from the heart’.

my soul is happy, because it is finding these people in “real life” now. or maybe something has changed within myself that i allow it more to enter...

in one way or the other everyone craves to feel safe with other people. we deserve to feel safe with others, so i wonder, do you feel safe with the people around you? what do you need to feel safe??? and, how can you make someone else feel safe?

love you

and bless y’all


Picture taken in Twenedurase, Kwahu. April 4th, 2021


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